[humor] Get-SqlServerPerformanceMagicEightBallSolution (CC @anonythemouse)

function Get-SqlServerPerformanceMagicEightBallSolution

{

$UniversalSolutions = @()

$UniversalSolutions += “Reboot the server”

$UniversalSolutions += “Scale-up your hardware”

$UniversalSolutions += “Denormalize for performance”

$UniversalSolutions += “Must be a memory leak”

$UniversalSolutions += “Maybe it needs a second reboot”

$UniversalSolutions += “Hire SQLSkills”

$UniversalSolutions += “Just keep adding indexes”

$UniversalSolutions += “Tweet how do i speed up sql? #sqlhelp”

$UniversalSolutions += “Open a Microsoft Support incident”

$UniversalSolutions += “Maybe it needs a third reboot”

$UniversalSolutions | Get-Random

}

 

Get-SqlServerPerformanceMagicEightBallSolution

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About Robert Matthew Cook

Hello, my name is Robert Matthew Cook. This blog is autoposted to from my main blog at www.sqlmashup.com. For more profile information or to leave a comment, please visit me there.
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